My Summer in Europe Thinking of You
by GallifreyanVampireSlayer
Summary: This is just a short fic where Rory contemplates her relationship with Jess while she spends her summer in Europe with Lorelai.


My Summer in Europe (Thinking of You)

Pairing: Rory/Jess

Rating: T (for the swear word in the AN)

Summary: This is just a short fic where Rory contemplates her relationship with Jess while she spends her summer in Europe with Lorelai.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything. ASP does. I'm just borrowing her universe for this story.

Author's Note: If you like this story, please review. If you hate it, do the same thing. I want to know why you think my story is shit. Also, if you find any grammatical errors, please tell me so that I can fix them.

Don't get me wrong, I had fun. Of course I did, I always do whenever I'm with Mom. We laughed a lot, saw the world, ate incredibly amazing food, and almost met Bono. (We staked out the hotel in Ireland that U2 owns, but he didn't show.) We were always in motion, traipsing from one place to another, never slowing down, never stopping. It was hectic, trying to fit every city and every site we wanted to see in three short months. We were moving so fast that I barely had time to just stop and think.

It wasn't until a week and a half into our trip, when we were taking a particularly long train ride, that I remained in one place long enough (which happened to be in the cramped passenger car, full of boisterous tourists jabbering on in languages that I have yet to learn) and had time to just close my eyes and just be with my thoughts. The combination of the lilting of the tourists' accent, Mom's light snoring, and the bumping up and down of the train car on the tracks was strangely soothing. It lulled me into a sort of trance that allowed me to ignore everything around me and just think.

My thoughts were all of you. I wondered where you were, how you were doing, whether or not you missed me, and if you were as upset as I was. I wondered if you'd ever show your face in Stars Hollow again, and if I would want to see you if you did. I wondered whether or not you loved me, and whether or not that made a difference in what happened between us.

I replayed in my mind all the times when we were together and everything was perfect, when it was just us and the rest of the world melted away, and I felt like flying. The recollection of those moments brought a smile to my face. I also remembered all the times when it was bad between us, so bad, and I felt like crying and screaming at you and walking away from you forever. I analyzed each and every moment we shared, from your first night here, when you were over for dinner and you came into my room and looked at all my books, to that morning when I found you on the bus and we exchanged some awkward words before we reached my stop and I had to go to school.

I thought about you until Mom woke up, because then I wasn't alone anymore.

You came into my mind other times as well. Remember how when I was telling you about the trip, you'd suggest places for us to go, places you had heard about in books? Well, after that, I'd always go home and tell Mom to add those places to the list. Whenever we went to one of those places that you had recommended, I'd feel a tightening in my chest as I remembered that I was here because of something you had said, back when you were around and we were on speaking terms.

Remember how you asked me to promise to call you whenever we arrived somewhere new? And how you requested that I describe it to you in great detail? You wanted me to capture all the sights, sounds, smells, and tastes and put them into words you could hear over the phone and be able to be exactly where I was. I promised, of course.

I was so dedicated to this promise that during our first night in Europe, when we checked into our hotel, I wanted to pick up the phone in the lobby and call you. I had the receiver held to my ear and my fingers poised to dial, but then I remembered that we were broken up, and that I didn't even have your number.

I thought of you when I ate food I thought you would like, when I heard music you would want to hear, and when I saw things you would've found breathtakingly beautiful or hysterical or odd or ironic.

You weren't there with us, on our trip, but you were part of it, hiding in the background everywhere we went. You were there in every picture I took. You were behind me, breathing on my neck, your breath raising all the little hairs back there, as I bought every souvenir.

This past summer you were my ghost. You haunted me, Jess.

Now that I'm back home and at Yale and life is back to normal, I hardly ever think of you anymore. But I haven't moved past you yet. You irrevocably, irreversibly changed me- I can't go back to who I was before you ever again. You opened up my eyes to so many things. You challenged me to do more and be more. And now I am. I have you to thank. Because you had such an impact, you won't be easily forgotten. You've left a mark, one that hasn't faded yet.


End file.
